Fasting..

So at first I wasn't going to blog about this..but what good is this blog if I can't talk about my issues and I feel very bad about this..

So I have been reading this book about Fasting..got it at Walmart.. "fasting" by Jentezen Franklin. So the book is great it talks about why you should fast..why its so hard..clearly I have not gotten that far (sigh). So last week I had this amazing experience..lately I have been having lunch with my girlfriends from work and we sit around and laugh and have a good time, but I felt the Lord calling me to have some alone time with Him, so one day I went to starbucks sat outside and had some tea and yes my favorite lemon pound cake, and read my fasting book. It was a beautiful day..i think it was the week before last.. Oh I am at work now, but I am off the clock, productively seemed to slow down after 8pm AND I missed my connect group :( i digress... So back to the book i am less then halfway through and I was determined to start a fast this week, because somehow last week it didn't happen. So firstly I know I am not supposed to go around telling people about the fact that I am fasting or to look grumpy or complain, but I messed it up today, so I feel like I am just being accountable .

6:30am - got on the treadmill..watch 1/2 hour of Bourne Supremecy DVD. Prayed afterward..struggled with the idea of fasting..prayed while i was getting dressed..drank water.. (now the only reason I mention workign out is because it was part of my excuse why i couldn't fast because i would be hungrier and it would be harder..

8:00am - finished walking Buddy - didn't make my usual bagel..decided today was def the day..water only until my connect group (which i missed..oh i mentioned that already..) 6pm-ish. Left my water on the counter in the kitchen..this may sound strange, but i think my new car is super dry inside..i always feel dehydrated and i have water in the car when i drive..but I LEFT it..i was not happy. Prayed on the way to work..hoped I would make it..

9:00am - at work..made a decision when i was at home, that i was allowed to drink herbal tea because I have too many people coming to my desk and I can't have bad breathe.. but no sugar..

11:30am - stomach is growling..headache that started an hour before..new team member is in my cube and i am say (under my breathe) I am STARVING.. I think that was the beginning of the end.. over the next half hour I convince myself that a 6 hour fast is fine to start with right??? I had a whole plan going about skipping a different meal every week then two meals then a full day...

12:30pm - in the cafeteria getting a healthy lunch oh and some cookies..

12:45pm - on my way back to my desk food in hand..I say to myself, you still have time, you can just eat this for dinner...nahhh i say to myself..

12:50pm - at my desk..fast is broken.. (sigh) ugh..and I didnt'even say grace until after i started eating.. :( I am pretty disappointed with myself, but I will try again...

But if I am successful, I probably won't mention it.. so hopefully i will not post again unless I have some amazing breakthrough because of my fasting then I can just give God the glory..but I hope I don't have another of these.. hey wait..I am thinking about something pastor connie said this weekend during service about how we can open up heavens gates or hells gates with the words we say, so I think I will speak about what has happened - positive or negative because it is fact and cannot be changed, but I will be positive about the future..

I will press on with reading the book and try again...