Scary Day

So today was a pretty scary day for me. I woke up this morning and found something very questionable happening to my body so I made an emergency doctor appointment because I have become a little concerned about my health because I am having to repeat mammograms and having ultrasounds - its a little unnerving.

So I was so frazzled after my discover this morning, I completely spaced out. I was having trouble quoting scripture about my situation, so I grabbed my New testament on CD and popped a cd into the car on my way to the dr. It was really an emotional morning for me. I found out that I having some problem woman generally have when they are lactating and NO i am not pregnant. My mother started talking to me about hysterical pregnancies, but I certainly don't want to be pregnant, so ruled that out to.

Anyway, the doctor gave me a prescription, and told me to push my august mammogram to july. (sigh). I was a BASKET case. I was wondering if I had any tears left. I tried to be positive and be grateful that I know what the current issue is and it is fixable. But I can't help but to worry.

I know a therapist who told me that I can control how i feel and react to a situation, but I gave up a bunch of control today. I was so emotionally drained from my mornings episode, I could only stay at work for 1 hour before I wanted to leave. Besides concerns for my health, I just started this job and I am thinking this is not going to work out.

Some of the girls from the job went out to lunch with me, and then they spent several hours with me talking to me at the end of the work day. Then we went out and stayed at Bonefish Grill until 11:30pm, talking about everything you can imagine. We didn't spend too much time focused on my issues, but when we did, they were super positive about everything and encouraging.


I even spent some time with my team lead at work, who is phenonenal and when called him this morning, he asked me if i needed anything since he knew I was alone and I really believe that if i needed something he would have asked his wife to come over and help me. I talked to him a little about what was and has been going on, and my concern over this job.. he was really supportive - so for that I am really grateful.

Anyway, I am really tired tonight so I am going to bed. I often talk about picking up posts later and finishing them, but i can't promise I will continue in my next post. I will say that I really feel like I really blessed because I have a great support network. Although I didn't (and I probably should have) called my church family, I know that they would have been there for me. I called one of my girlfriends in VA but she wasn't available. I told her I thought it was for the best at the point, and I really needed to work it out - with God right then.My mom was great - I avoided Dad a little, because I was in a fragile state and he doesn't do really good in those situations - he is a little at a loss. I will call him tomorrow :).

Anyway, I am fine and I am believing that everything is going to be fine..at least I am working on believing it. My emotions are mixed between relief and concern, and I am really thankful to God. He is my rock and fortress...so of whom should i be afraid??