I'm Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I am sooooo excited - more on this later..gotta go to church...

**update at midnight..so why was I a week early for my church meeting..oy!

rss testing 123...

I am testing my rss feed from my blog on blogger to my myspace page..YEAH it works!!!

Friday Fill In's (only 1 day late this time)...

Friday, February 8, 2008

#58

1. I'm looking forward to having peace all day long.
2. Isreal is a place I always wanted to visit and haven't made it there yet.
3. I've fallen in love with my church - Living Word Family Church.
4. Six of one, (huh??).
5. Addiction hurts a lot of people.
6. The show 30Rock cracks me up!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out and having dinner with Carla, tomorrow my plans include church and karaoke and Sunday, I want to be fully rested because I have to drive to South Carolina for a family funeral.

Content whatever my circumstances?

My last blog entry has been bothering since I hit the "Publish Post" button. I was tempted several times to delete it because I am not happy with that I said. Now it was all how I was feeling at the time, but that doesn't make it right.

I am not sure if it was last night or if it was only today that this scripture words by my boy Paul that kept repeating itself over in my head, not necessarily in the version below (The Message), but after looking up a couple, this was the one I liked the best.

11 Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. 12 I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. 13 Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (Philippians 4:11-13)

I am trying to answer this question, if I am extremely unhappy with one part of my life but in spite of that I feel great overall..does that mean I am content?

I have been having some issues with the job..more on that this week, I have been pretty miserable for long periods of time during the workday, but after work and on the weekends I feel great. I don't really spend as much time dwelling on the state of my love life in a negative way. But I can be negative about it.. I know that my life is blessed, I am blessed to have my family (biological and church), my friends, my home, and my job.

So back to the job..I also don't have a good attitude about it. I think that is what is I am convicted of. I complain and moan and I am down right ungrateful. Then the workday is over and I feel great. What does this mean? I know I need an attitude adjustment and so i am going look again to Paul for some guidance..

Valentine's day (sigh)...

OK..so I have admitted to myself I am a "hater". I am really not trying to get caught up in this whole Valentine's day nonsence, but I would be lying if I said it doesn't bother me to be single..oh and dateless..let's not forget that.

Actually I have mixed feelings about my current state of "bother-dom". For a really long time it didn't bother me that I wasn't dating and I didn't feel envious of couples. I would be like that would be really nice for me to have that, but I am not ready.

So it was nice not to be bothered by all of that, it was always one day..when I am ready. The problem was that was all wrapped up in low self esteem. I didn' t think I deserved any better...thats a problem..but not for me anymore. I have mentioned before in previous blogs that I really feel great about myself these days, I have accepted myself for who I am - inside and outside. It is fantastic! So it's not even about being ready or not for a relationship, its about being healthy emotionally and seeing myself the way that God sees me.

Now.. I didn't expect because of my change in attitude that I would be bombarded with date offers, but now that the "I am not ready/worth it" phase is over.. it's like some blinders came off and I look at things in a different way. I am ready to at least date. OK thats not happening now...and I am actively working on having a social life. I make sure my weekend is packed with fun things to do with my girlfriends.

So I have been thinking about blogging about this topic that I am getting ready to bring up for a while now, but it just seemed kind of wrong, but I am just going to put it out there... It just seems like I am SURROUNDED by couples - especially at church. Which is a change for me, going in the past to churches that were primarily female - a lot of whom were single. Now don't get me wrong, I think it is FANTASTIC to be at a church that is family oriented...this is how God wants it to be - moms, dads and kids, and I was never really focused on getting married, but I am seeing couples who are worshiping together and I feel like I want that..

Sometimes it bothers me that I don't have that. One Sunday I asked God if I was the only single person in the church in their 30's. But I have moved past that now. I am learning so much about relationships that are centered around God and it is really a wonderful to see a husband and wife on fire for the Lord..but really the enemy is working OVERTIME on my nerves about me not having that.

OF course I know everything that glitters isn't gold and relationships aren't always rosy and they are work. I still subscribe to the notion that I can do bad all by myself, but I don't beleive all men are cheating liars bad. There are some good ones out there. I am willing to wait..but there are a lot of things out there including Valentine's day. Let me also say that if for some reason that I don't ever get married, that I would not turn into a old maid hermit..naw..i wouldn't be estatic about it, but I would just have to believe that God had his reasons and move on. I am praying this is not the case.

So I am harboring a little resentment. I need to work on getting rid of it. Now I am not walking around mad, just every now and again I find myself saying.. When is it going to be my turn?

It really..

is time for a change..really.
.
.
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OK that's all i wanted to say.

goodnight.

ss

Friday Fill-In.. (better late than never)

1. Once I was lost and now I am found.
2. I really tired of being sick.
3. Today at work I thought about getting another job.
4. What's tofurkey all about?
5. If I make a mistake I (most times) I try to correct it and no longer beat myself about it (yay!).
6. When I woke up this morning, I thought about what I was going to do this weekend.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to downtown Raleigh with the girls, tomorrow my plans include Zumba and 27 dresses and Sunday, I want to go to the superbowl party at my church...GO GIANTs (I am so phony)!!!

Ok so while most of these are thoughts from Friday... #4 is from today..

I will be back on the blog circuit shortly..good message at church today to talk about - later!